the awful truth

You know what time it is? It's confession time. Not like a religious, "you sit in that box, I'll sit in this box and let you know the dirty things I've done" sort of confession. That's never going to happen. It's more of an "I'm lazy and failing and here's my chatter about it" sort of confession.

So here it goes: I want to give up on the Great Reading and Writing Project of 2010. I know you're thinking "quitter!" - but before you throw stones and cast judgment, I want you to hear my side of the story. Actually, I want you to also make me hear your side of the story. Meaning: I'm writing this blog post as a plea for help! If you think the project is worth while, I want you to convince me of it. If you don't think it's worth while and want to let me know why, please do. You can comment on this post or just send me a little email (moontickets@gmail.com) or chat with me in person if that's an option. Will you do that for me?

Assuming you even care at all (this is kind of boring, I can admit), here are the pros and cons and new ideas mixed together in a stream-of-consciousness-esque bullet list of confusion:

• I think I've read fewer books so far this year just because I have the seemingly-great and frightening burden of *125 books in twelve months* hanging over my head. Here's probably why: I've never responded well to someone in authority saying I absolutely had to read something within a certain time. Like in school, when a teacher said "read the first 30 pages of To Kill a Mockingbird by TOMORROW," my internal indignant cry was, "no, I will not!" It's not that reading 30 pages in one night was at all hard to do. It was that I didn't want to read it just then when I was being told to. I find it hard to get into a book if it's being forced upon me by the man! Eventually (the night before the entire book needed to be finished) I would read it all. But not happily.
  
• I realize that in this case I guess the (wo)man to blame is myself and my silly little ambitious GRaWP business. Moving on.
• I don't actually think I'm a rebel and that that's cool. I just think I'm cranky.
  
• I resort to other activities in a form of avoidance of the project. Such as TV shows via the internet or uhm, taking a nap. Hmm. Maybe this means I need more self control. Or maybe it means if I dump the entire project right now, I'll end up reading and enjoying more books by the end of the year than I would otherwise.
  
• Maybe I need to stop being sassy and lazy and just read.
• The ultimate goal of this whole thing is to read lots of interesting stuff and to make it a practice. It can't all be about speed, but there should be some element of discipline involved, shouldn't there?
  
• Should I change the GRaWP 2010 to just see how far I can get? Be it 50, 75, 99 books? One per week?
• It was suggested by @UltraNurd that I change the book goal to a page goal. I think, if I stick with the GRaWP at all, I will indeed transition to a page count goal (maybe 20,000 pages? 30,000 pages?), thereby allowing for enjoyment of longer books with less pressure.
• Again, maybe I need to hold myself accountable and reach my goals. NaNoWriMo last year was an ambitious project, but I made it. And the result at the end of November was 50,000 words of material I now have the luxury of shaping into an actual piece of fiction. That's like a gift!
  

I've got no more. I'm not sure that was a good idea. Even so, there it is. There's the awful truth about Andrle and her complex with authority and her laziness. Respond if you want to.

Until next time,
x Andrle x